:: blame the extended gestation.... ::

:: Monday, December 16, 2002 ::

Sunday December 16, 2002 American River College
i think these are one of those night you remember forever--that what why I emBOLDend my date


So I had my first play produced tonight. I don’t really know what it feels like yet. I never
thought I’d see my head cut open and exposed for everyone. They even screwed up one
or two lines--which I liked, it wouldn’t be me to get things exactly as I planned them.
Afterwards people kept saying they liked it, but I don’t believe them--it wouldn’t be me to believe
them. I guess it was just nice to get out thoughts that wouldn't be proper to speak in public at random moments, stick them on a stage and people are okay with them. I could have done better, I guess thats what next time is for. I don’t know where I
go next, I guess thats the fun part.

When you start counting backwards, trying to find
where it all went, it all seems so similar. But then sometimes you find that somewhere
along the way you were able to do something that was worth keeping, noting,
remembering. And yes everything just gets filed away in large black file cabinets and
incinerated at death, but at least they were filed away. Kept--for what it was worth--as
something of worth. So now I have to go learn to how to try to be a playwright on the
side and a political theorist on the sly. Its nice to go to sleep hoping things won’t fall
apart--for at least a while--so that you have a chance to see where this all leads.

:: Jim Nichols 12/16/2002 01:16:00 AM [+] ::
...

So I guess it is working

If you blinked it was gone. But for just a moment I felt a wave of uncensored and uncontrolled power wash over me. And I was there in the moment. A complete connection and acceptance to life and the whole shebang, lost in oblivion, complete freedom. Slowly though, I began to recognize everything was in slow motion and was reactive to my own consciousness, and felt myself coming back down. I slid back into myself and it was over. I guess we can’t spend our lives sliding down mountains—no matter how beautiful and exihlerating—at some point people start checking id’s at the door and contrary to popular belief my genes want to thrive.

:: Jim Nichols 12/11/2002 10:46:00 PM [+] ::
...